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Grief, Rage, and the Patriarchy: The Divine Feminine View

Recently I did a 5-episode online series with poet Chelan Harkin called The Mystics’ Front Porch. In the first episode, The Truth That Sets Us Free, a participant named Kathy asked a question we didn’t have time to get to, so we answered it via email to all participants.

“Thank you for speaking to the grief and/or rage relating to the patriarchy. I find this so difficult to express without being overcome by rage. Can my own inner knowing be trusted about the feminine and its place in healing our world.”

My response struck a deeply resonant note, so I offer it to others who may be struggling with the same question. I’m going to give a long answer here because context is important. I will preface this by saying that I don’t usually speak in terms of Divine Feminine/Masculine but I understand why that framework is helpful and will therefore will use it.

In my first metaphysical event, upon going into the body and being of Jesus on the cross, I experienced how we have been stuck in the cycle of pain within humanity: we react to pain with pain, and therefore never get to heal the SOURCE of pain.

Our pain-based reaction is one of domination and rejection: we try to make the pain go away because we think having the power to conquer is what keeps us safe. In the crucifixion scene I experienced clearly that mankind wanted a Christ that conquered, not a Christ that healed, and therefore Christianity became a conflict-centric religion of domination aiming to conquer all “evil.” I experienced this same lesson on how we perpetuate the cycle of pain from within Buddha, within the cosmos, within international government systems, and within various other scenarios large and small.

When we understand that our reactions can either perpetuate or break the cycle of pain, it makes it easier to turn inward and take the time to attend to our own pain with deep honesty and compassion before we react. When we embrace the truth of our pain, letting it cry and rage and flow through us unabated until its foundations are revealed, then we reach the point where we are compelled to LOVE OUR FOUNDATIONAL PAIN WITH GREAT INTENTION. And that’s when we finally begin to feel the healing of all the pain we’ve inherited through the myriad forms of oppression, including the patriarchy. We no longer perpetuate the pain of oppression because we ourselves are no longer trying to conquer our oppressors. Our contribution to the collective becomes healing rather than additional wounding.

And that’s when we realize that this same compassionate source-level healing process has never been fostered within all those who inherited the conditioning of being the oppressor, including those in the patriarchy. Men have been stuck in societal, governmental, cultural, and religious systems that for eons REQUIRED them to act as protector — to dominate and conquerer — and then rewarded them for being heroes and leaders keeping us safe by being strong and in control. In today’s terminology, this is our collective history of toxic masculinity …and the ability to react to all of that energy now in a different way is the energy of the Divine Feminine.

The Divine Feminine is interested in healing at the true source of pain, period. An ancient model of this intention was represented by the goddess Kali, a female warrior figure that aimed to destroy all evil to protect the innocence of truth. Images like this were created in a conquering consciousness and used the war strategy of wounding our way to victory…which, in a conflict-centric consciousness with no other perceivable options could be useful to an extent, but it also still perpetuated the cycle of pain.

So, Kathy, from the mystical perspective, I encourage you to let your tears and rage flow unabated until you realize what is at the foundation of this pain within you. And know that the Divine Feminine within you will be that which allows that process to happen compassionately to ensure healing can happen at the source — not just for you but for others as well. If you want to know for sure it’s the Divine Feminine energies at play, simply check your motivation. If you’re seeking the cathartic satisfaction of conquering or dominating or rejecting others, you’re in the perpetuating-the-cycle-of-pain consciousness. If you’re truly in the healing-for-all mode, you’re in the Divine Feminine. And the latter will lead to very different, and often surprising, reactions than the former.


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